The Breakup Song Extravaganza

This has been a few days in the making, but now that I'm back in the mood for breakup songs, I can finally write this.

So have you been dumped lately? Good, because if you were the dumper this list is not for you. I mean, I have those songs, but today we don't want to listen to those because here, you are not in control. She just doesn't love you anymore, he needs space, or maybe you just aren't "the one". Maybe you were the one, but they changed their mind. Yeah, life bites like that. Now you're just standing there, feeling like something is crumbling inside of you, wondering why you feel so numb, waiting to get home so you can cry your feelings into a pint of ice cream (regardless of gender). I know Greg Behrendt says to put away that ice cream, but I'll let you have it because I know how that feels and sometimes ice cream and some sad music are just what you need.

If anyone, anyone at all, tells you that you shouldn't have any time to mope, fuck their shit up and go spend a day inside your covers. Everyone, doesn't matter who, needs at least one day to cry and reminisce and sob out loud, "Why me? I thought everything was going so well!" After that one day, though, you get up out of your Bed of Sadness and start living again. Before you ask, no, I have not had my one day yet, and I think it just might be today.

Now that we have that in order, it's time to figure out your Official Breakup Playlist. If you think you don't need this, just try to keep those tears going without some horribly sad fuel and then get back to me. I'm giving you one day, so you better get it all out now so you don't break down in the line at the bank or something.

I know not everyone shares my taste in music, despite the fact that I listen to everything, so these are just my personal recommendations. But lemme tell you, they are tested, tried and true, and they work damn well for all of your broken-up needs.

Now you can listen as you read along!!

• First of all, country music produces some of the saddest music ever. I don't care if you think country music is for hillbillies and rednecks, you cannot deny that their breakup music is moving. Some of it is angry, some of it is refreshing, but most of it is fucking sad. If you want some music that is guaranteed to make you cry, start here.
• On that note, Lee Ann Womack has some great hits. I like "Does My Ring Burn Your Finger", "I May Hate Myself In The Morning", "Someone I Used To Know", "A Little Past Little Rock", "Why They Call It Falling", and "Painless". If you can get her version of "Ashes", DO IT.
• "Miss Me Baby" by Chris Cagle. If you don't have this song, you're missing out on some primo sobbing time. It is perfect.
• "Neon Moon" by Brooks and Dunn is pretty good. Nice and slow, melancholy, kinda depressing. "That Ain't No Way To Go" is great as well.
• "I Can Still Feel You" by Collin Raye. A little upbeat but it works. A song all about how they never go away? How do you not add that?
• I'm a sap, so I have "Tonight I Wanna Cry" by Keith Urban on mine. Slow, sad, all about how you just want to cry because everything is too hard. Sappy, again, but goddamn it gets the job done. DO NOT listen to this song while you're walking around in public. You will break down and have to find a convenient bathroom stall to cry in. Keep it to your room.
• "Bring Me Down" by Miranda Lambert is beautiful and sad. "Sweet like a kiss, sharp like a razor blade, I find you when I'm close to the bottom..." Don't pass this one up.
• However, the ultimate song that I put on repeat is: "Settle for a Slowdown" by Dierks Bentley. Gender doesn't matter here - this song is perfect. They left you and all you want is for them to just show that they just might miss you. All you're asking for is a slowdown. It's depressing and perfect for a sobfest under your covers.
• There are plenty more country songs, but these are just my favorites. Particularly that last one. Trust me, country music is a goldmine of any and all breakup songs that you need.

Moving on past country music....

• You remember how I said "Bouncing Ball" by honeyhoney was that indie song they play after everything's gone to hell and you're watching everyone stumble around all sad and contemplative? Turns out it's great for breakups too.
• "You Could Be Happy" by Snow Patrol. If you don't believe me, listen to it and then come here and tell me it doesn't work. In fact, there's a lot of Snow Patrol songs that are perfect. This one is just my favorite.
• The old-school fave, "Don't Speak" by No Doubt.
• "You Are Goodbye" by Holly Conlan. Folky and acoustic-y.
• "Favorite" by Lex Land works regardless of gender. If you are of the female persuasion, try "As Much As You Lead". It will not disappoint.
• "Lo Imprescindible" by Shakira. You know what, shut up, I freaking love Shakira, and this is a dark song about how important it is for someone to come back. So listen to it and then shut up.
• If you really want to be angry, "You Oughta Know" will always be perfect. Warning: it only really works if you're female.
• "Wreck of the Day" by Anna Nalick will always, always be appropriate.
• "Back at Your Door" by Maroon 5. Also "Goodnight Goodnight", but I'm iffy on that one. The former is great, though.
• "Where I Stood" by Missy Higgins. Shut up, it's good.
• "Clean and Sober" by Anya Marina. Oh my god, this song. It may not make you cry, but it's still got that ring of, "oh my god, this is my life."
• Whatever anyone says, "I Can't Make You Love Me" by Bonnie Raitt is fucking gold. If you know it (and you should), you'll understand. If you don't, what the hell is wrong with you?!
• Carole King's "Will You Love Me Tomorrow?"
• I guarantee that "How to Save a Life" by the Fray will make you cry like a baby. I guarantee.
• "Papercuts" by Gym Class Heroes is good, albeit not for the "I want to sob in my bed like the world is ending" subset.
• For the ladies in the room: "Dumb Girls" by Lucy Woodward is angry and sad and self-deprecating. Listen and enjoy.
• "I'm The Only One" by Melissa Etheridge. This song will never not be perfect. Play it over and over and belt it out from your bed. Not only is it fitting, it is angry and sad! Bonus!
• "Goodbye to You" by Michelle Branch is great if you are super sappy.
• Unknown: "Before the Worst" by the Script. All about how you wish you could go back before everything started fucking up and just stay in that happy place.
• I personally have "Lullaby" by Shawn Mullins and "If It Makes You Happy" by Sheryl Crow on my playlist, but the former is my general depression song and the latter fits the circumstances. Still great songs, though.
• Ooh, try out "Like You, Only Sweeter" by William Tell and then let me know what you think. Nice rebound song.
• "Reason Why" by Rachael Yamagata. Just... listen to it.
• Another one that is actually kind of a happy song but can be corrupted to a sad one given the circumstances: "Universe & U" by KT Tunstall. I have the acoustic version, so bonus!
• "Hopelessly Devoted to You". Yeah I love Grease, shut up. If you can find something even better, show me.
• Oh, I take it back - "Without You" from Rent. Yeah. Try not crying at that song. Or even "I'll Cover You Reprise". Oh my god, that song.

I probably have more, but these are what's on repeat over here in Dom's-heart-is-breaking Land. "The Trouble With Love Is" by Kelly Clarkson is a staple, maybe "Iris" by the Goo Goo Dolls if you're really masochistic, but other than that, this list hits all the basic needs.

WARNING: DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES listen to "your" songs. That is not what we want here. Yes, they'll make you cry, but we want sad songs about what you're going through. Avoid those songs like the plague until you can stomach them again.

You know what? I'll post the playlist.com version of what I could find here, and anything that's not here, you'll have to find elsewhere and verify how amazing it is.

Good luck on your brokenheartedness. I'm getting back to my comfy bed and early weekend before everything gets worse than it already is.