Wherein I Muse on Living

I've been thinking the past couple weeks.

That sounds ominous, but instead open yourself to that sentence and realize the infinite possibilities in it. "Thinking". "Weeks". Thinking isn't bad or a scary thing, especially when you are confronted with yourself.

I sat down and examined my life, and once all the tears were siphoned away, I could think clearly and decisively again. And oh, it was a relief! I haven't been this clear and true for a while now. I can see forever now and I know who I am, and who better to see you than yourself?

I'd lost faith. Not in others, but in life and in myself. I couldn't see me and who I was, clouded by doubt and confusion and fear, and so I forgot about living. I tried to focus on the trappings instead of the goal, and as a result I lost my footing.

Because I was so fearful, I forgot that life is the goal. I forgot about happiness, and how I am the only person who can find that for myself. I forgot that life is happiness, every day, and small things are what's important. Steps, Dominique, you take steps forward, and sometimes they're huge and sometimes they're tiny but no matter what, as long as you can find happiness in the day, you will breathe, and as long as you're breathing, it's still salvageable. I lost sight in that for a while, but now I can see it as clearly as I can see the words appearing on my screen.

Do you know how good it feels, to look at the sky and see something new every day? To wake up and find yourself doing something important and fun? To settle in at the end of the day with lamplight and music and maybe a glass of wine, knitting an intricate pattern that leaves your mind room to wander with no fear? I feel so brand new, but also so familiar, and most of all I'm unafraid of tomorrow. It's all a new day to me, a new start, and I have no regrets from now on.

Most of all, I've learned about unconditional love - for life, for others, and for myself. Love is what's important. There will always be room for it, and as long as there is love in my life I know I'll be wonderful. Love is always waiting for everyone, and I've opened myself up to it. I'd forgotten, but no more. Every day will be a story of love and happiness and life for me, because I'm writing it and that's what is important.

So: love, happiness, life. Sometimes you have to go through the worst in order to find all those things. I'm lucky that I found them again. Don't lose them.