Why I have such a hate-on for Gretchen Wilson and her ilk

First thing: I enjoy country music. Quality country music, of course. Garth Brooks, Lee Ann Womack, Emmylou Harris, Brooks and Dunn, Miranda Lambert, Josh Turner... people who demonstrate actual talent in crafting songs and real music. I catch some teasing from friends about it sometimes, but I do see quality in country music, just like there is quality in any kind of overcommercialized music *coughhiphopcough*

Gretchen Wilson is not quality.

Let's not delude ourselves - nobody ever said she was. But I'll be damned if my ire doesn't pique every single time I hear that "classic" "Redneck Woman". It offends every single sensibility of mine in the lyrics alone.

Because I have such a burning hatred for this song, I'll show you and explain the lines that make me incoherent with rage. Fun!

Well I ain't never
Been the barbie doll type
No I can't swig that sweet champagne
I'd rather drink beer all night

The beginning of the song, ladies and gentlemen. The beginning. And already I want to break her beer bottle and stab her in the eye with it. What she does here is set it up nicely to explain that all women get divvied up into two categories:

1. "Ah don't b'lieve in bein' some uppity girl who cain't take a li'l beer now and again! Hey, wanna arm wrestle?" and
2. "Like, check out my BMW, girrrrrrls! But be careful you don't break a nail! *giggle*"

Seriously, Gretchen, fuck you. Some of us have never been from the country and quite frankly have absolutely no desire to - and are not perfectly-sculpted Barbie dolls that swill champagne. There are myriad other categories that women alone fall under that don't involve those two. How about the woman from the inner city who's worked her whole life to get somewhere? How about the hipster girls at the poetry slam? How about the moshers at the Nine Inch Nails concert? Way to acknowledge any of them - or, even worse, imply that all of those women are "the barbie doll type" simply because they aren't down-home country like you. Let me tell you, if somebody told my friends I was the Barbie-doll type, they'd laugh until the tears were streaming down their faces.

Worse, we're supposed to agree that she's inherently better because she's country. Uh, no, actually. I think I'll pass that one because it is just too easy.

I'll stand barefooted in my own front yard with a baby on my hip

You do that, sweetheart, but others kinda wince at the imagery of a barefoot pregnant woman. It's not like that's inflammatory or sexist at all, nope.

Also, I have nothing against having children, but seriously? Some of us would like to get some education before we go down that long hard road that is parenting. And maybe some of us don't want kids, for whatever reasons. (I know that having children is something I have to think seriously about because depression is hereditary and look at all the problems I've had with it. Not saying I don't want kids, but for anybody with a mental illness, it's something that requires thought.) Not everyone wants to live in a trailer with their infants chucked on their hips. Actually, if you can point out to me anyone who thinks that's desirable or a great goal in life, I'll... well, I'm not actually sure what I'll do. Probably bang my head on my desk repeatedly.

Cause I'm a redneck woman
And I ain't no high class broad

Extra "fuck you" for calling anyone not like you a broad (I hate that term with a passion). And ooh, if they ain't homegrown like me, they must be puttin' on some high-class airs! Not. Reality check, girl: there's a huuuuuuge middle ground between "redneck" and "high-class".

And I keep my Christmas lights on, on my front porch all year long

This is just a personal pet peeve, but that offends my sense of aesthetics. Have some pride in where you live, please.

Victoria's Secret
Well their stuff's real nice
Oh but I can buy the same damn thing on a Wal*Mart shelf half price
And still look sexy
Just as sexy
As those models on TV
No I don't need no designer tag to make my man want me

No, actually, you cannot buy Victoria's Secret-quality at Wal-Mart. And you never will. My Wal-Mart bras have all fallen apart at this point - it's the stuff I got at department stores that's still holding up. And I will be damned if a Wal-Mart bra gives you half the push-up that Vicky's gives me. Also: does Wal-Mart sell that sexy little lingerie hiding in my drawer? I didn't think so. Until they do, I don't take that section seriously.

And come on, no man gives a shit about the tags on your bra or lingerie, and saying that they do is stupid. Does anybody here know a man who cares if the bra you have on is xhiliration or Frederick's? But the quality does and should matter. If you can't afford it (god knows I can't), then that's fine, but don't sit there and tell me that it's all the same and nobody gives a damn. Well, I give a damn, because I like my stuff to last a long time. I'd rather buy one bra that'll last for years than a cartful of bras that'll last for six months max. (And if you really need to save, go buy Target or head to the mall and get something from a department store. It's still inexpensive and the quality's better. Maybe not as cheap as Wal-Mart, but when I say cheap, I mean price and quality.)

...and then the rest is mostly a lot of "hell yeah"s, to which I can only say, "woo."

Do you see now why I can't stand this song? I mean, I know I was just fucking around with that last part, but it's the absurd set up that women can either be down-home girls with babies and no education or airheaded bimbos with pneumatic tits and pouty lips. I happen to be a slight, intelligent woman going to college to further myself who loves learning and despises both of those stereotypes, mostly because they simplify women too damn much and partially because both of those types of women don't even care about taking the time to get educated.

Don't believe me?

"In 2007, [Wilson] completed the GED program."

You mean to tell me she had all that time, all that fame and money, and only recently bothered to get her GED? Ridiculous. And don't throw that "she comes from poverty, okay?" excuse at me, because if you want something hard enough, you'll do what it takes. My high school best friend came from poverty and frequently did not have enough money for essential things. There was no way in hell she could pay for college. But she worked hard and did what it took to be able to go. We've since fallen out, but if I'm correct she's still at college, working for her scholarships and loans. Do not tell me that Gretchen Wilson did not have the opportunity to go to a public high school where everything is funded for you and get her high school diploma.

Yes, I am intolerant of those who deliberately pass up education as an option and deride it as something for the elite. Education is for everyone. There is no excuse not to get one. Maybe it's my privilege speaking, but guess what? I went to public school too. I come from a lower-middle-class family who has had to strain and push for every penny we earn. There was no way my family could help me pay for college, and there was no way I could pay on my own. I had to bust my ass for scholarships and ended up landing a sweet one. I know what it's like to have to work hard in order to further myself.

Don't get me wrong. I don't hate this song because of Gretchen Wilson. I hate Gretchen Wilson because this song is a complete insult to any intelligent, thinking woman who uses her brain to do something other than hit the keg with the good ol' boys.

You might think I'm trashy
A little too hard core

Trashy? Yes. As for hardcore... darling, I know high school freshman more hardcore than you'll ever be. You are a woman who thinks "broad" is an acceptable term to call another woman. Any "down-home" thing you do is mostly to get the boys to love you because you aren't like those "sissy girls", undoubtably. There is absolutely nothing hardcore about you. Now go put that GED to some use, for the love of god.